I know I can’t be the only writer out there who does this.
1. Write project.
2. Rewrite project.
3. Rerewrite project. Read it. Feel good about oneself.
4. Put project away for a while.
5. Pick up project six months later and reread.
6. Make retching sounds. Gag, “Oh my fucking god, this was written by a brain-dead marmoset!”
7. Rererewrite project.
8. Pick up project the next day and read rererewritten parts.
9. Wail, “Jesus F-Bomb Christ! I am NEVER going to be a writer!”
10. Rerererewrite project. Obsess over it.
11. Read rerererewritten project. Smoke pot to lessen pain and feign indifference. Close project file.
12. Be too frightened to open project file. Lament one’s utter lack of talent. Berate oneself for being arrogant and foolish enough to think one could write in the first place. Vow to restrict all future communication to hand signals.
13. Bury project in deep, deep hole in computer and hope to forget about it.
14. Dig project up the next day and give it the finger and say, “You WILL NOT defeat me, you asshole project!”
15. Rererererewrite project. Eat five pounds of chocolate.
17. Keep rererererewriting.
18. More crying. Add self-injury.
19. Leave project at home while scouting train tracks to lie down on.
20. Open project file and stare at it for hours without changing anything.
21. Repeat step 20 anywhere from a week to one’s entire life.
22. Willfully ignore project. Every time one thinks of project, feel worthless and depressed.
23. Forget about project.
24. Wake up one morning and suddenly remember project. Feel worthless and depressed.
25. Forget about project again.
26. Allow a lot of time to go by. Like, a LOT.
27. Reorganize writing files, and accidentally find project in folder. Open project file. Read. Think to oneself, “Actually, this isn’t half bad.”
28. Rerererererewrite project. Read without vomiting.
29. Send project off into the world. Pat self on back.
30. Return to step 1.