Evil Gal Productions

Mere Smith
is a recovering Southerner,
longtime TV writer,
author and blogger.
February 27th, 2012 by Mere Smith

The Sunday I Murdered Saalon. And A Puppy.

So @saalon came through California, and I decided to murder him.

Or take him to a greasy Denny’s-like family restaurant.  Same-same.

This is him and @LWQuestie, looking strangely delighted at the combined 6,120 calories I made them eat:

“Please release us from this den of lard!”

 

After we ate, we waddled outside to take pictures together.  Unfortunately, the one of me and @LWQuestie didn’t turn out very well, since I appeared to have quadruple chins, when it’s a goddamned fact I don’t have more than three.  So here’s the one of me and @saalon instead:

I look so happy, don’t I?  That’s ’cause I’ve just shoved a knife into @saalon’s spine.  He can’t feel it yet, but he’s about to drop face-first on the sidewalk.

 

I also seem happy in that photo because my tits look HUGE.  If you knew how rare that was, you’d be happy for me, too.

And last, I received a lovely gift from @LWQuestie, who is a cross-stitchin’ BOSS:

Do not look at the stuffed dachshund. I repeat, do not look at the stuffed dachshund.

 

(Just to be clear, I keep that puppy there to remind me of all the cute things I can slaughter.)

So thanks again, @LWQuestie, for the truly awesome gift — and thanks for NOTHING, @saalon.

You asshole.

Good to see ya.

Comments

11 Responses to “The Sunday I Murdered Saalon. And A Puppy.”
  1. You guys make me feel inadequate about my boring t-shirts.

    • Then again, maybe we’re just trying to camouflage our intellectual inadequacies by wearing t-shirts that have more to say than we do.

  2. Tits look so huge! Great to see your version of E&E pix.

  3. You do look happy – maybe it was all that greasy food? E & E also look very happy. (I looked at the dachshund. Am I going to go blind now?)

  4. Carissa says

    OMG! It’s E&E and Meric! Will wonders never cease? Too awesome. I’m so glad you all had a wonderful time. Even without a spleen Eric still somewhat smiled next to you. What a proud moment.

  5. Happy happy joy joy! Thanks for sharing the pics. I live my life vicariously through others on Twitter.
    (My dachshund, Digger, made me look at your stuffy dachs . . . I await further instructions.)

  6. I like the way you positioned @saalon so it looks like he’s the evil one with facial death stripes and you’re an entirely normal big-breasted human being. I assume you flayed his skin strip by strip and ate it fried in lard?

  7. I look so happy! What light trickery could be responsible for this strange impression? I’m not even staring at your HUGE BOOBS. People are going to think I had a phenomenal time, or something. What happens, then? So it has come to this?

    BTW, E.’s happiness is genuine and no trickery. Not just because she liked watching the concluding murder.

  8. […] months with Mere has been continually surprising and wonderful, and I’m grateful and happy that she wanted to kill me badly enough to go out for breakfast with me and Erin first. I now have a face and a voice to haunt me through […]

  9. peridot2 says

    O Great Dachshund Overlord, Thy loyal servant awaits Thy instructions.

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