So as some of you may know, last night I attended an Academy of Television Arts & Sciences Panel, deftly titled:
An Evening With Shonda Rhimes & Friends
This sounded nice and homey, although “Friends” apparently meant one other Executive Producer (Betsy Beers) and 7 actors (Ellen Pompeo and Sandra Oh from Grey’s Anatomy, Taye Diggs and KaDee Strickland from Private Practice, and Kerry Washington, Tony Goldwyn, and Katie Lowes from Rhimes’ newest show, Scandal. Which, as they politely reminded us several times, airsthisThursdayat10p.m.onABC.)
Now this is not to say I was bummed to be staring at Sandra Oh for an hour and a half (I have feelings for Cristina Yang that transcend the boundaries of mortal love) — especially since she was wearing a fabulous dress with a cut-out down the middle that, in terms of wardrobe malfunction, hovered in a constant state of Threat Level: Red.
However, coming from a writing perspective, I would’ve loved to have seen Rhimes and her actual friends instead — y’know, just kicking back over some wine and Girl Scout cookies — or maybe Rhimes and her Writers, talking about their process — or just Rhimes herself, explaining to me HOW THE HELL YOU CREATE A FEMALE EMPIRE IN THE MIDDLE OF DICKLAND, TV.
You see, as a female Writer, when you’ve never worked with a female EP, you want to hear everything about her, like, “Do you ever have a hard time convincing male executives to trust your judgment?” (though considering she now has three shows on the air simultaneously, this one seems a tad obsolete). And, “How many layers of bullshit did you have to wade through in order to stop being called ‘opinionated,’ ‘aggressive,’ or ‘bitchy’?” And, “Do you approach running the writers’ room differently than the men you’ve worked for?” Or, “Hey, when you go to work, do you feel pressure to look ‘feminine’? More specifically, do you ever wear ridiculous fucking shoes like this?”
Because I did last night. And oh, what a giant mistake that was.
Int. Our House – Sunday Night
Me: What are you wearing tomorrow for the panel?
The Finance: A suit jacket and a button-down shirt.
Me: Well, shitballs, now I have to look nice.
Int. Our House – Monday Afternoon
Me (tearing through closet): Where are all my nice shoes? All I can find are Nikes! Do I even have any nice shoes anymore? Oh, wait, good! Here’s a pair I haven’t worn in 10 years.
Int./Ext. Car/Parking Garage/Theatre – Monday Night
Me: OH MY GOD MY FEET HURT SO BAD OH MY GOD PLEASE DON’T LET GO OF ME OR I’LL TOPPLE RIGHT ONTO THIS GARAGE FLOOR/THESE STAIRS/THIS TOTALLY FLAT PIECE OF CARPET AND I’LL BREAK MY GODDAMNED NECK!
The Finance: I’m losing feeling in that arm.
Me: THESE ARE THE WORST SHOES EVER CREATED IN THE HISTORY OF SHOES! THESE ARE FOOTBINDING SHOES!
The Finance: Y’know, you didn’t have to wear them.
Me: BUT YOU WERE GONNA LOOK NICE AND IF YOU LOOK NICE I CAN’T NOT LOOK NICE AND OH MY GOD FUCK ME IN THE ASS I AM NEVER FUCKING DOING THIS AGAIN!
The Finance (muttering): I hear that.