Evil Gal Productions

Mere Smith
is a recovering Southerner,
longtime TV writer,
author and blogger.
April 4th, 2013 by Mere Smith

The Gospel Of Matthew Smoot And XKCD

A totally true story.

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hoodie_3_1024x1024

This is by far one of the best hoodies I’ve ever owned. Comfy, soft, and geek-infused! And I confess, I judge people by whether or not they know what xkcd is.

from:  Mere Smith
to:  orders@xkcd.com
date:  Sun, Mar 17, 2013 at 12:40 PM
subject:  navy blue hoodie
mailed-by:  gmail.com
hey xkcd!
i ordered your navy blue hoodie a few months ago, and since then have cherished it like a small child…
…until this morning, when i was doing laundry while wearing it — and spilled an open bottle of bleach on it.
believe me, i would’ve been less upset if i’d spilled the bleach on a small child.
i promptly went online to order another, only to find that it’s no longer in stock.
i am crushed.
PLEASE bring back your navy blue hoodie, so i can order one, and possibly two just in case i pull another boneheaded maneuver like this one.
i love this hoodie.
more than small children.
PLEASE.
-Mere Smith
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from:  xkcd store <orders@xkcd.com>
to:  Mere Smith
date:  Mon, Mar 18, 2013 at 10:30 AM
subject:  Re: navy blue hoodie
signed-by:  xkcd.com
Hi there Mere,
Sorry for the minor crisis, we plan to have them back in stock very, very soon!  If you let me know your shipping address and what size you need I’ll have a placeholder order set up for you :).
As far as small children go, they make a lot more noise when bleach is spilled on them and generally have a higher repair/replacement cost than a hoodie.  I’m glad I don’t have any around.
Best,
Matthew Smoot
xkcd order wrangler
*************************************************************
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from:  Mere Smith
to:  xkcd store <orders@xkcd.com>
date:  Mon, Mar 18, 2013 at 2:32 PM
subject:  Re: navy blue hoodie
mailed-by:  gmail.com
hi Matthew Smoot, Order Wrangler! (and if that shows up on a TV show any time soon, i’ll deny everything.)
oh good.  i can stop funneling anti-anxiety meds down my gullet.  i would’ve been worried… except for all the anti-anxiety meds.
yes, *please* set me up a placeholder order: TWO extra-large hoodies for me this time.  i’ll be damned if i’m caught without a pristine xkcd hoodie again.  *damned*, i tell you!
my shipping address is:
[redacted]
(though if you need the billing address to match my credit card, i have a bookkeeper [thank ye gods, or i’d be sending you sacks of poorly-counted-out tuppence], whose address is:
[redacted]
) <– i knew i needed to close the parenthesis, but it looks so lonely all by itself…
as for small children, while yes, replacement costs are higher, i think the noise level is pretty standard, with or without bleach.  i’m quite pleased i own none myself.
thanks again!
-mere-
*************************************************************
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from:  Mere Smith
to:  xkcd store <orders@xkcd.com>
date:  Mon, Mar 25, 2013 at 11:27 AM
subject:  Re: navy blue hoodie
mailed-by:  gmail.com
my dearest Matthew Smoot, Order Wrangler —
THAT. WAS. STUPENDOUS.
when i returned from out of town on Sunday night, i found a little box in our mail and thought, “huh. i haven’t ordered anything recentlyohmygodBOMB!”
but after the SWAT team left — a tad irritably, i must say — i was stunned to see two glorious xkcd hoodies tucked into that box and i positively *swooned*!  well, i mean, if i’d been a 19th century literary heroine squeezed into a whalebone corset, i would’ve swooned.  as it was, i yelled, “HOLY SHIT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT I’M SO FRANGIN’ EXCITED!”
slightly less ladylike, but much more evocative of my inner feelings.
i can not thank you enough — and believe me, i’ve tried.  this is my fourth draft of this email, the initial three having been tossed due to (respectively) grateful but pathetic digital weeping, appalling obsequy, and a rather “The Shining”-esque repetition of the phrase, “All work and no play makes Matthew Smoot MY GOD.”  so in this, the fourth iteration, i hope my appreciation comes through and leaves the outright crazy behind.  except that’s pretty much impossible for me so i’m just going to cut my losses here.
you, Matthew, are amazing, and so is xkcd.  never — *never* — did i expect to see those hoodies so soon.  i was absolutely floored, as well as touched.  please let me know if you’re comfortable with me spreading the Gospel of Matthew Smoot And XKCD with everyone i’ve ever met — though i’d understand if you’d rather keep it on the quiet side, too, lest you’re inundated with a bunch of grabby hands.  it’s completely up to you, and i’ll abide by your wishes, of course.
now please let me know how to throw my money at you.  i can send you my credit card number, or i can go through PayPal, whichever is better for you and xkcd.
and Matthew?
thank you.  thank you SO MUCH.
-mere-
*************************************************************
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from:  xkcd store <orders@xkcd.com>
to:  Mere Smith
date:  Tue, Mar 26, 2013 at 11:37 AM
subject:  Re: navy blue hoodie
signed-by:  xkcd.com
That was by far the best e-mail I’ve gotten ever, of all time!  I want to share it with all the people I know and wish I was up to writing the response it deserves.  Seriously, I was giggling like a pyro in a firework factory for minutes :).  I think there is a gospel of Matthew already, but grabby hands might be nice and the gospel of xkcd would be freakin amazing so feel free to spread the crazy word.
As far as throwing money, it’s hard to catch it from here so it might be better to use PayPal rather than try to build a trebuchet that can hit the east coast.  Our address is orders@xkcd.com.
So nice to read e-mails like this, thanks so much for your response!

Comments

5 Responses to “The Gospel Of Matthew Smoot And XKCD”
  1. I hate that you have an epically awesome looking xkcd hoodie.

    I love that you spilled bleach on it.

    I hate that you got two replacements, and I especially hate that you conned this wonderful person into being nice to you.

    I’m going to soothe the pain of this story by throwing some of my own money at the xkcd store.

  2. I can fit into an extra large…consider those swiped

  3. Henry Bemis says

    I want that hoodie!

    Nice to see there are nice people in the world.

    (bookmarks xkcd.com)

  4. I’ve always enjoyed xkcd and now there’s even more reason to spread the joy! I may have to go look for one of those hoodies myself.

  5. I saw someone with an xkcd hoodie at FanExpo Vancouver on the weekend. He said he loved his too. :)

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