Evil Gal Productions

Mere Smith
is a recovering Southerner,
longtime TV writer,
author and blogger.
September 15th, 2013 by Mere Smith

The Final Countdown

It’s here! It’s here! It’s finally here!

At long last we’ve arrived at our exciting, weeklong dash to

 The

Toronto

(that’s Canada)

Word On The Street

Festival

Sunday, September 22

Queen’s Circle Park

11 a.m. – 6 p.m.

After thousands of emails, texts, phone calls, Skypes, edits, re-edits, re-re-edits, re-re-re-edits, bitchings about perfectionism, proofreadings, layout clusterfucks, crying jags (FYI: totally not mine), endless and infinitesimal design changes, certainties, abrupt 180s, customer support harassings and generally busting our asses 24-7 for over a solid month (and sorry ’bout the resulting blog-neglect, by the way; don’t mind the cobwebs), my fellow author and webmaster-slash-bitch (@saalon) and I are finally ready to head to Canada’s largest book fair this weekend, with FOUR BOOKS to flog!

BROKEN MAGIC by Eric Sipple

COWFACE AND OTHER HILARIOUS STORIES ABOUT DEATH by Mere Smith

THE BLOOD ROOM by Mere Smith

YOU HAVE LIPSTICK ON YOUR TEETH edited by Leslie Marinelli

(including the story, “Round-Headed Baby” by Mere Smith)

However, since we know many of our online friends and readers won’t be able to join us (what with that whole “traveling to a foreign country” thing), we’re making a special effort to include y’all in the run up to our becoming

 

SUPER SUCCESSFUL

INDIE AUTHOR-PUBLISHERS! 

(Yeah, there’s gotta be a better name for what we do.  That’s a fuckin’ mouthful.)

 

Prepare yourselves, as we have many announcements and surprises in store for you this week, including: alternating blog posts from us every day about the process we went (and are still going) through, the cover reveal of my new book, Cowface And Other Hilarious Stories About Death, sneak peeks at some of our exclusive Word On The Street swag, and a very, very special surprise on Wednesday!

But today’s little gem?

Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce our project mascot, derived from my latest book:

 

DemonCow

DEMONCOW!

designed by the one and only @Quotergal of RagtagDesign.com

 

Please give her the same sacrificial offerings in the Comment Section as you would hope to receive yourself.

Now, if you follow me on Twitter, you’ll see that DemonCow has become my avatar for the week — and you may also know that for the last month, I’ve been tweeting interesting facts about Canada. Or at least, facts that find interesting.  For example, did you know that Canadians eat more Kraft Macaroni & Cheese than any other nation on Earth? These things are important cultural touchstones, people!  Don’t you think it’s time we learned a little something about our neighbors to the north, rather than just making fun of their snow and their “eh?” and their outstanding health care system and low, low rate of gun violence?

Me, too. So on Day 1 of #WOTSWEEK, familiarize yourself with our destination and learn:

 

Some Interesting Canadian Facts

  • The first image in available regularly scheduled television broadcast, in September 1952, was the station logo – upside down.
  • Ottawa has over 247 neighborhood outdoor skating rinks. They’re called “streets.”
  • It is illegal to PRETEND to practice witchcraft. Actually practicing it? Apparently fine.
  • 1 out of every single Canadian is Tatiana Maslany. (Bolded for truthiness.)
  • Lacrosse and hockey are Canada’s two “official” sports, because “nice” Canadians like to beat each other with sticks.
  • William Davies, whose pork-processing plant gave Toronto the name “Hogtown,” died after being butted by a goat.
  • Go to Dawson City, Yukon, and you can join the “Sourtoe Cocktail Club.” All you have to do is finish a drink (of anything!) with a real human toe in the bottom. The club’s motto says, “You can drink it fast, you can drink it slow – but the lips have gotta touch the toe.”
  • Canadians call whole milk “homo milk” – because it’s homogenized – not because of its fabulous fashion sense.
  • Spread Eagle, Newfoundland, is next to Conception Bay, with a beautiful view of Dildo Arm. (I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.)
  • Our demure northern cousins also use the phrase, “The Big O.” But they’re talking about Montreal Olympic Stadium.
  • The town of O’Leary is home to the Prince Edward Island Potato Museum. Admission $5. Potato-themed gift shop.
  • The CIA says the average Canadian lives 3 years longer than the average American. Too bad those 3 years are spent going, “Brrrr.”
  • The average person in Canada watches more than 20 hours of television per week. (Pfft. Amateurs.)
  • Canada is such a feminist country, the national animal is the beaver.
  • Ontario’s SNOLAB is the deepest clean laboratory in the world, dedicated to the study of neutrinos and dark matter.
  • In 2012, Manitoba was named “Slurpee Capital of the World” – for the 13th year running. An average 180,000 Slurpees are sold each month.
  • Canadians divide their year into the following seasons: Almost Winter, Winter, Still Winter, and Construction.
  • Along the east coast of Canada, McDonalds serves a seasonal sandwich called the McLobster, a soft roll containing lobster, diced celery, and salad dressing.
  • In 1967 the world’s first UFO Landing Pad opened in St. Paul, Alberta. The Minister of National Defense attended.
  • Dawson Creek is actually a town in British Columbia.
  • Loch Ness Who? Canada has its own lake creature, Ogopogo, who allegedly lives in Lake Okanagan, British Columbia.

Comments

8 Responses to “The Final Countdown”
  1. Those are very interesting ‘facts’ about our country, Mere. Some of them are even true. 😀 Not only is there a Dawson Creek, but there is a Dawson’s Landing, consisting of a gas station (for boats and planes), a general store, the family home and two guest houses – all on floats. I spent two summer working in the store and never set foot on dry land (or wet land, for that matter) the whole time!

    I wish you and Eric much luck and enjoyment on your sojourn into our lovely country.

  2. nypinta says

    I love Demon Cow.

  3. Cool demon cow, QuotedGal! (I hate spellcheck! I did something and it wrote Oil cow. WTF.)

    Why do they need to buy that many Slurpies. They can make them in the street daily, minus summer, but that’s just a weeks off.

    The way you wrote that, is there one Tatiana, or is every Canadian also Tatiana Maslany?

    Partly due to my great grandfather being Canadian, I was an honorary member of Buffy, Eh. 😉

    Does Canada have a higher than normal population of actors, comedians, hockey players and lumberjacks than other countries? (Are there other job options?)

    As my wit is feeling quite witless today, I’ll simply leave with an have a awesome time.

    Oh, and how about Indie Author Supreme? (Hold the mayo)

  4. Awesome demon cow, and absolutely true about Tatiana Maslany. I wish I could go cheer and rave and buy books, but hope Toronto friends will do it for me. Have fun!!

  5. […] Because it’s #WOTSWEEK! […]

  6. […] researched Canadian facts. We admitted our inability to spell words with multiple Os. We revealed the […]

  7. […] offer, as we’re running out of first editions (we had tremendous sales up at Toronto’s Word On The Street Festival, which was fantastic, but means there aren’t too many left), and also, I can’t be all […]

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