A beautiful, hopeful, happy, and shameless New Year to y’all!
So this pretty much sums up my take on the beginning of 2014:
It’s a giggle fit in the offing, a gleam in the eye, an adventure soon to be swashbuckled!
I AM MOVING TO WASHINGTON!
(Okay, okay, that was a totally cheap mislead and I’m sorry. Those of you who read my books know I can’t pass up a cheap mislead. If there is a mislead on Clearance in Filene’s Basement, I will inevitably buy it.)
Therefore to clarify:
I AM MOVING TO WASHINGTON…
FOR A LITTLE WHILE!
Yes, dear readers: as of this Sunday, January 5, I will be temporarily relocating to an undisclosed location (okay, it’s a cabin) in Washington state for the next month or so, to seek solitude, inspiration, and shakabuku, defined in Grosse Pointe Blank as “a swift, spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever.”
‘Cause I think I could use one of those right about now.
See, by the end of 2013, I realized I was doing a lot of writing – like, a LOT a LOT — but none of it was for TV. Which is a tad self-defeating for a TV writer. Don’t get me wrong – I’ve got ideas coming out of every orifice (oh yeah, even that one; in fact, those ideas might be the best) for original shows, but after spending two years in Development Hell (otherwise known as Sorry-But-Your-Material-Is-So-Out-Of-The-Box-We-Don’t-Even-Know-Where-The-Box-Is-Anymore-And-Oh-By-The-Way-I-See-You-Have-A-Vagina-Let-My-Assistant-Show-You-Out), I switched focus to fiction for a time just to offset the accumulated maulings of my creative self-esteem. The only problem with fiction is that it pays about .000000013 cents an hour, so it’s time to get staffed on TV again before I’m reduced to living in a microwave* under the 405.
But in order to staff up, I gotta write some new TV material (apparently I can’t keep relying on that “Sopranos” spec like I used to; some nonsense about it being “dated” and “cancelled”), so I’m taking the rather drastic step of isolating myself in the woods in order to finish the “Elementary” spec I started earlier this year, only this time with no distractions – y’know, like getting interrupted by a brain cancer scare, and then withstanding medication FUBARs, and then publishing two books, and then flying to a foreign country to sell them, and then, and then, and then…
At this point, I’ve only got two solid plans for Washington:
- write the spec
And given that the cabin has no TV (holy shit, I just got dizzy for a second), I’ll also be trying a couple other things, like:
- reading the fuckton of books I’m shipping to myself
- updating the blog daily – mind you, most of these updates will probably be two sentences long:
- “Revised Act Three last night. Started My Booky Wook by Russell Brand.”
- “Hey, did you guys know weed is legal in Washington? I mean, I think it is. Is it? I’m hungry.”
- “I have begun speaking to the coyotes in their own language. All vowels. Bit like Hawaiian.”
- staying off-grid as much as possible (insanely tough, but I’m committed)
- 30 straight days of morning meditation
- and various other mini-ARTprojects
Also, I’ll probably be Instagramming a bunch of pictures that may or may not document my descent into Jack Torrance territory.
I’ll miss you all terribly while I’m gone (seriously, I’m terrible at missing people; I’ll probably forget y’all even exist)(total lie: I’ll be grid-lurking at intervals), and if you write or tweet me and you don’t hear back, please know it’s for a good reason: I have walked off into the snow to die.
That, or I’m really focused on finishing the script.
At this point, I can see it going either way, so:
BRING ON THE SHAKABUKU!
See you on the flipside, friendos!
* 10 bonus points if you now call this a “science oven”