Evil Gal Productions

Mere Smith
is a recovering Southerner,
longtime TV writer,
author and blogger.

The GallerSQUEE!

After working more than a decade in Hollywood, I would love to say I’m so jaded that I no longer react to certain people, TV shows, or movies like a pubescent girl — jumping up and down, clapping, squealing in a pitch only dogs can hear — because then I’d sound all cool and sophisticated and meh.

I’ve always wanted to sound all meh.

But unfortunately I have this condition where I’m a complete dork, so I can’t meh;  I SQUEE!

And thus I welcome you to my gallery of SQUEE!, otherwise known as…

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THE GALLERSQUEE!

Always under renovation.

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Acquisitions and framing by QuoterGal

Fangirl SQUEE!ing by She Who If She Had Any Decency Would Stay Nameless But Is Totally Me

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Benedict Cumberbatch, star of BBC’s “Sherlock”

 

Currently the prize jewel in The GallerSQUEE! collection.

That face — cheekbones you could shave your legs on, the perfectly formed Cupid’s bow of the upper lip, crystalline eyes that transition like an 80’s Hypercolor t-shirt — Cumberbatch has also been variously compared to a horse, an otter, and a hammerhead shark.  Clearly a mark of his aesthetic versatility.

Also, as a dork myself, I appreciate folks who give good nerd, and Cumberbatch dances like Goofy on ecstasy:

I call this “The Frankenbunny Flail”.

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Our next exhibit:

Kris Holden-Ried, star of Syfy’s “Lost Girl”

 

Known in GallerSQUEE! parlance as “Wolf Cop,” Kris Holden-Ried bares his lupine fangs both in “Lost Girl” and “Underworld: Awakening”.  He’s also exceptionally polite on Twitter (@KrisHolden_Ried), but that’s because he was born in Canada and according to U.N. reports, Canada is where they manufacture the vast majority of the world’s “nice” nowadays.  Hence Holden-Ried’s unrelenting “niceness” on Twitter can be seen as a brilliant piece of nationalistic agitprop, easily meriting his inclusion in the The GallerSQUEE!

It should be noted that he, too, gives excellent goofball:

photo by costar Ksenia Solo

 

Now, if you’ll just turn this corner, I’ll lead you to

our next exhibit:

Carla Gugino, star of USA’s “Political Animals”

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A DaVinci-esque masterpiece of intelligent femininity who contradicts every Hollywood axiom by only getting more beautiful the longer she stays.  No overdone fish-lips, no alien face-lifts — this gorgeous artwork is all natural — and talented as hell.  From  “Karen Sisco”  to “Watchmen” to “Political Animals,” Carla Gugino represents the aspirations of women all over the world: powerful, brilliant, respected, and a head-to-toe stunner.

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Turning to the opposite wall, you’ll find

our largest exhibit:

Jon Hamm of AMC’s “Mad Men”

 

You may have noticed that this picture bulges out of the confines of this blog frame.

Let’s call that a thematic choice.

Jon Hamm — or as we refer to him amongst my estrogen circle: The Hammbone, aka, The Bone — is notorious for going commando.  Which anyone with — I don’t know — “eyes” — can plainly see in this work of art, if the aforementioned “eyes” are pointed anywhere south of Jon Hamm’s “smirk.”  But we all know that smirk isn’t really a smirk, is it?  It’s the casual, self-assured smile of a guy who knows — knows — that he is always100% of the time — the guy with the biggest dick in the room.  Going commando assures that everyone else knows it, too.

Or it could be he just doesn’t like fabric bunching up under his balls.

Either way, I appreciate his bold, artistic commitment.  And that’s what’s important to The GallerSQUEE!

The art.

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The art.

 

AND NOW!

OUR NEWLY-FINISHED

BY POPULAR DEMAND ANNEX

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Eion Bailey, star of ABC’s “Once Upon A Time”

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A joint-donation from The Estates of QuoterGal and cabri, this beautiful composition has played everything from a murderous hyena boy in “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” to a shaven-headed spacemonkey in “Fight Club”.  In between, it seems he’s acted in every single role Hollywood has ever offered to an actor ever, meanwhile picking up an Emmy “just for funsies.”  (Okay, I might’ve made that quote up.)  Though I don’t know him personally — uh… as opposed to everyone else in The GallerSQUEE! — I find myself fighting an undeniable urge to chew on his jawline.  More than enough reason to feature him in a frame.

Comments

9 Responses to “The GallerSQUEE!”
  1. The art! And remember, it’s also: For Science!!

    For the blog-readers Who Also Love: a couple of places I visited looking to… acquire: http://cumberqueen.tumblr.com (wide-ranging!) and http://jonhammswang.tumblr.com/ (single-minded!) and http://fuckyeahkrisholdenried.tumblr.com/ (obsessed!) and http://fuckyeahdysonkenzi.tumblr.com/ (mega-shippy!!)

  2. Where’s Eion?! *cries*

  3. I may have to start watching “Lost Girl”!!

  4. I have serious urges when I look at Carla Gugino. I’m not typically sly, but damn for that woman the things I would do.

    • I’d rather not think about the things I would do for Carla Gugino, because I’m afraid there won’t be a limit.

  5. peridot2 says

    Now I’m getting hungry and melting into a puddle of squee, all at the same time. I didn’t think that was possible in this universe. The Hammbone is tastycakes. However did I not notice that he goes commando. Zowie.

    Carla Gugino’s enough to turn any woman sly. What a woman. She makes the Venus de Milo look like a dumpy housewife.

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